why-elderly-parents-hide-health-problems
Why Elderly Parents in Lucknow Hide Health Problems From Their NRI Children
A geriatric specialist’s insights into the hidden health issues elderly parents conceal and how to address them
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Every week in my Lucknow practice, I see elderly patients who have been hiding health problems from their NRI children. They come to me only when symptoms become severe. By then, what could have been managed easily has often become a serious health issue.
After seven years of treating elderly patients in Lucknow, I’ve learned to recognize the signs of hidden health problems. The reasons parents hide these issues are complex, deeply rooted in our culture, and often misunderstood by their children living abroad.
The Psychology Behind Hidden Health Problems
Not Wanting to Be a Burden
The most common reason elderly parents hide health issues is their desire not to “burden” their children. They know their NRI children are busy with careers and families abroad. They worry that sharing health problems will cause unnecessary worry or force their children to make expensive trips to India.
In my practice, I’ve had patients tell me, “My son works so hard in America. Why should I disturb him with my small problems?” This mindset is especially common among parents who have sacrificed their own comfort for their children’s success.
Fear of Losing Independence
Elderly parents often associate sharing health problems with losing their independence. They worry that their children might suggest moving them to an assisted living facility or hiring full-time help. In Lucknow’s traditional family structure, maintaining independence is closely tied to dignity and self-worth.
Many of my patients fear that admitting to health issues will lead to their children making decisions about their lives without their input. This fear is particularly strong among those who have always been the decision-makers in their families.
Cultural Expectations of Self-Reliance
In Indian culture, particularly among the generation that raised NRI children, there’s a strong expectation of self-reliance. They view managing health problems as a personal responsibility. Admitting they need help feels like a failure to fulfill their role as strong, capable parents.
This cultural expectation is especially pronounced in Lucknow, where traditional values remain strong despite modernization. Elderly parents often compare themselves to their own parents, who managed health issues without “complaining” to children.
Communication Barriers Across Distances
The physical distance between NRI children and their parents in Lucknow creates communication challenges. Health issues are difficult to explain over phone calls or video chats. Parents worry they won’t be able to describe their symptoms accurately or that their children will misunderstand the severity.
Additionally, time zone differences make it hard to have detailed conversations. A parent in Lucknow might feel better in the morning but worse by evening, when their child in America is available to talk. This leads to downplaying symptoms to avoid causing unnecessary worry.
What Health Problems Are Hidden Most Often
In my practice in Lucknow, I’ve identified certain health issues that elderly parents are most likely to hide from their NRI children:
| Hidden Health Issue | Why It’s Hidden | Clinical Risks |
|---|---|---|
| Memory Problems & Confusion | Fear of dementia diagnosis, losing independence | Worsening cognitive decline, safety risks at home |
| Mobility Issues & Falls | Embarrassment, fear of being seen as frail | Repeated falls, fractures, loss of confidence |
| Depression & Anxiety | Stigma around mental health, appearing weak | Worsening mental health, physical health decline |
| Chronic Pain | Not wanting to complain, normalizing aches | Undiagnosed conditions, reduced quality of life |
| Nutritional Deficiencies | Embarrassment about inability to cook properly | Weight loss, weakness, compromised immunity |
Clinical observation: Memory problems are the most commonly hidden issues. Parents often develop elaborate systems to compensate for memory loss, such as writing extensive notes or setting multiple reminders. They become excellent at masking their cognitive decline during brief video calls with their children.
The Lucknow Context: Unique Factors
Social Stigma Around Health Issues
In Lucknow’s close-knit communities, there’s often a social stigma around health problems, especially mental health issues. Elderly parents worry that if their health problems become known, it will affect their social standing or their family’s reputation. This concern is particularly acute for those who have been respected figures in their community.
Healthcare System Navigation Challenges
Navigating Lucknow’s healthcare system can be overwhelming for elderly patients, especially those with mobility issues. They often delay seeking medical help because they find it difficult to travel to hospitals, wait in long queues, and deal with multiple doctors. What starts as a minor issue becomes a major problem before they finally seek help.
Reliance on Traditional Remedies
Many elderly in Lucknow first try traditional home remedies for health problems before considering medical intervention. While some remedies can be effective, others can mask symptoms or delay proper treatment. Parents often don’t mention these attempts to their NRI children, either because they think their children won’t understand or because they don’t want to be judged for not seeking “proper” medical care sooner.
Signs Your Parent Might Be Hiding Health Problems
During video calls or conversations, look for these subtle signs that your elderly parent in Lucknow might be hiding health issues:
- Vague answers when you ask about their health (“I’m fine” without details)
- Deflection or changing the subject when health topics come up
- Reluctance to show their living space during video calls
- Repeatedly mentioning how busy or important you are
- Frequent excuses for not visiting the doctor (“I went, everything is fine”)
- Changes in their appearance or surroundings they don’t explain
- Reliance on neighbors or relatives for tasks they used to handle themselves
- Unexplained changes in their routine or habits
How Professional Home Care Helps Bridge This Gap
As a doctor, I’ve seen how professional home care services can address the communication gap between NRI children and their elderly parents in Lucknow. A trained caregiver becomes the eyes and ears for families living abroad, providing honest assessments while respecting the parent’s dignity.
At AtHomeCare™ Lucknow, we’ve developed specific approaches to address the issue of hidden health problems:
- Regular health monitoring: Our trained staff observe subtle changes in health that parents might not mention
- Detailed reporting: We provide regular, objective updates to NRI children about their parents’ health status
- Doctor coordination: We facilitate communication between parents and healthcare providers
- Respect for independence: Our approach empowers elderly parents rather than making them feel dependent
- Cultural sensitivity: We understand the cultural factors that lead to hiding health issues
Medical perspective: The key is building trust with elderly patients while maintaining transparent communication with their families. This balance allows us to detect health issues early without making parents feel they’ve lost control of their lives.
Ensure Your Parents Get the Care They Need
Our geriatric care specialists can provide regular health monitoring and transparent reporting to NRI families, ensuring your parents in Lucknow receive proper care while maintaining their independence.
Call Us Now: +91 98070 56311or
Learn About Our Elderly Care ServicesFrequently Asked Questions
Approach health conversations with curiosity rather than concern. Instead of asking “Are you okay?” try “I was reading about how sleep changes with age, how has your sleep been lately?” This frames the conversation around general health rather than potential problems. Also, share your own minor health issues to normalize discussing health concerns.
Frame professional help as a service that makes their life easier, not as a sign of declining health. For example, “Having someone help with cooking would give you more time for your hobbies” or “A regular health check-up is like getting your car serviced – it prevents bigger problems.” Sometimes having a trusted local friend or relative introduce the idea can be more effective than coming from you directly.
Even if parents say they’re fine, daily check-ins are recommended for those over 70, especially if living alone. These don’t need to be lengthy medical assessments – just brief visits to ensure they’re eating properly, taking medications, and managing daily activities. Our home care services offer different visitation frequencies based on need, from daily to twice-weekly checks.
Normal aging might involve occasionally forgetting names or appointments but remembering them later. More serious memory issues include forgetting recent conversations, getting lost in familiar places, struggling with routine tasks, or personality changes. During video calls, notice if they repeat the same questions multiple times or have trouble following the conversation. Professional caregivers trained in elderly care can provide more accurate assessments during regular visits.
We establish clear communication protocols with both the elderly parent and their NRI children from the beginning. Parents are informed about what information will be shared and how often. We focus on objective health observations rather than subjective judgments. Our caregivers are trained to build trust with elderly patients while maintaining professional boundaries that allow for honest reporting to families.
Medical Disclaimer
The information provided in this blog is for educational purposes only and does not substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk.